Posts tagged Funny Quotes

Easter Jokes and Easter Bunny Jokes

Easter Jokes

Easter Bunny Jokes

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?

A. Because it was a little chicken.

Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?

A. Two points just like everybody!

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

A. Bugs Bunny

Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?A. A hare brain.

Q. What’s the best way to catch a unique rabbit?

A. You ‘nique up on him.

Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?

A. Tame way, unique up on it.

Q. How many hairs in a rabbit’s tail?

A. None, they’re all on the outside.

Top 10 Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts

10. Neighbors describing him as “a quiet loner.”

9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, “You’re going to die up there, fat man!”

8. Can’t stop washing his paws.

7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.

6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.

5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a “suicide egg.”

4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.

3. Won’t come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.

2. He’s hippity-hopped up on crack.

1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.

Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?A. A receding hareline.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boyscout?

A. A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?

A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

Q. How are rabbits like calculators?

A. They both multiply really fast.

Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be twelve inches long?

A. Because then it would be a foot.

Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?

A. Just look for the gray hares.

Q. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?

A. When it has hares in it.

Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?

A. A funny bunny.

Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole?

A. Cold.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?

A. Baby rabbits.

Q. What is a rabbit’s favorite dance?

A. The Bunny Hop of course.

Q. Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?A. Looks like the back stroke.

Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?

A. Eggercise

Q. What do you cal a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?

A. A smarty pants.

Q. What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?

A. The first Rabbit to lay and egg.

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

A. A Hot Cross bunny.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?

A. A harenet.

Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?

A. Thistle have to do!

Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?

A. It has 4 rabbits’ feet.

Q. How do you get letter to a bunny?

A. Hare mail.

Q. What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?

A. One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion?

A. A bunion.

Q. What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?

A. A harenet.

Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?

A. Join the Hare Force.

Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?

A. A bunny laughing its head off.

Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?

A. Make it wait for 3 hours!

Q. Where does a bunny go when it dies?

A. To the hare-after.

Q: Why are people always tired in April?

A: Because they just finished a march

Q: What do you call a very smart bunny?

A: An egghead.

Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter?

A: Tired.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?

A: It’s been nice gnawing you.

Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?

A: Because he is eggocentric. (egocentric)

Q: Where does Valentine’s Day comes after Easter?

A: In the dictionary.

Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?

A: Hareobics.

Q: What’s the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?

A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?

A: Hoppy Easter!

Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?

A: He’d just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.

Q. Why does the easter bunny have such a shiny nose?

A. His powder puff’s on the wrong end.

Q. What do you call it when a rabbit has an accident with a knife?

A. A hare cut.

Q. Why do rabbits do so well at school?

A. They’re experts at multiplication.

Q. What came first, the chicken or the egg?

A. Neither–the Easter Bunny!

Q. Where do Easter Bunnies go for new tails?

A. To the retail store.

Q. Do you know how to find the Easter bunny if he was lost?

A. Make a noise like a carrot; he’ll find you.

Knock,knock.

Who’s there?

Ether

Ether who?

Ether bunny.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Juan

Juan who?

Juan more ether bunny.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Stella

Stella who?

Stella nother ether bunny.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Justin

Justin who?

Justin other Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Samoa

Samoa who?

Samoa Ether Bunnies.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Beryl

Beryl who?

Beryl of ether bunnies.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dewey

Dewey who?

Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Consumption.

Consumption who?

Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Cargo

Cargo who?

Cargo “beep, beep”…run over all the ether bunnies.

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don’t cry–all the Ether bunnies will be back again next year!”

Q. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?

A. 14 carrot gold.

Q. What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?

A. One with a hoppy ending.

Easter Quotes and Easter Sayings

On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.
– Douglas Horton

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/easter-jokes-easter-bunny-jokes/

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.
– Clarence W. Hall

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2009/04/09/easter-recipes-easter-quotes-easter-jokes/

The story of Easter is the story of God’s wonderful window of divine surprise.
– Carl Knudsen

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/

The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world. Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice. But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.
– Henry Knox Sherrill

Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless.
– Charles M. Crowe

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/easter-jokes-what-the-easter-bunny-taught-me/

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.
– S.D. Gordon

Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things but in terms of ideals.
– Charles M. Crowe

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2009/04/12/funny-easter-joke/

Easter Quotations – Famous Quotes for Easter

Lots More Famous Quotes

Easter Jokes

Easter Quotes

Easter Quotes Easter Recipes Easter Jokes

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Classic Groaner: The Sauce

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his

mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put

in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my

wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious

. . .. Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on

everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.”

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise

sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.

It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this

time use chrome.”

“Why chrome?” asks the patient.

The dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no

plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

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The mule

Subject: The mule

A city boy, named Kenny, moved to the country and

bought a mule from an old farmer for $100.00. The

farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry

son, but I have some bad news, the mule died.”

Kenny replied, “Well, then, just give me my money

back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it

already.”

Kenny said, “Ok, then, just unload the mule.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

Kenny, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

Farmer, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Kenny, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell

anybody he is dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,

“What happened with that dead mule?”

Kenny, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two

dollars a piece.”

Farmer, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Kenny, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two

dollars back that left me with a profit of $898.”

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of

Enron.

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Weight Loss Program

A rather chubby fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the

fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing

he sees is an advertisement for a “guaranteed” weight loss program.

“Guaranteed like heck” he thinks to himself. “But let’s see what

they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes

to the 3 day, 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there

comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands

before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in

nothing but a pair of Nike’s and a sign hanging around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss

company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Well without a second thought he takes off after her like a shot

(who wouldn’t). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he

finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are

through, he thinks to himself with a nod, “I like the way this

company does business.”

For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing

happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself, and sure

enough he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat

slender physique, not to mention the method of “treatment”, he

calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 pound

weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5

days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their “workout”

schedule might be like this time.

As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he

answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing

but a pair of Reebok’s and a sign around her neck. She is simply

stunning the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces

herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign

reads “If you can catch me, you can have me. ”

He’s out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and

it takes a while to catch her. But when he does it is worth every

cramp and wheeze. He is really looking forward to the next four

days….For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same

thing happens each time, much to his delight.

On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievable, he has lost

another 20lb pounds. “I love this company,” he thinks to himself,

I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun!

Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and

subscribe to the company’s 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program.

“Are you sure, sir?” asks the representative on the phone. “This

is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely,” says he, “I love your program. I haven’t felt this

good in years!”

The next day there is a knock at his door and he enthusiastically

answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen

of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around

his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight

loss company. The sign reads,

“If I can catch you, I can have you.”

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Can’t Get You Outa My Head!!

Earworms are songs that crawl into your head and stay. 98% of us

have had a song stuck in our heads. Six of the worst offenders are

“It’s a Small World,” “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” “Don’t Worry; Be

Happy,” “Macarena,” “Gilligan’s Island” theme, and “Y.M.C.A.”

For those who didn’t catch that, I repeat: the songs most likely to

stay with you the longest are “It’s a Small World,” “The Lion Sleeps

Tonight,” “Don’t Worry; Be Happy,” “Macarena,” “Gilligan’s Island”

theme, and “Y.M.C.A.”

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Aging

Reporters were interviewing a 104 year-old woman:

“And what do you think is the best thing about

being 104?” the reporter asked.

She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

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Can’t Get You Outa My Head!!

Earworms are songs that crawl into your head and stay. 98% of us

have had a song stuck in our heads. Six of the worst offenders are

“It’s a Small World,” “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” “Don’t Worry; Be

Happy,” “Macarena,” “Gilligan’s Island” theme, and “Y.M.C.A.”

For those who didn’t catch that, I repeat: the songs most likely to

stay with you the longest are “It’s a Small World,” “The Lion Sleeps

Tonight,” “Don’t Worry; Be Happy,” “Macarena,” “Gilligan’s Island”

theme, and “Y.M.C.A.”

Leave a comment »