Adult Jokes and Adult Humor
Adult Definition – Definition of an Adult A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Sex With A Fireman – Firemen Sex
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we’re ready to go on the trucks. From now on,” he said, “we’re going to run this house the same way.When I say ‘Bell 1’, I want you to strip naked. When I say ‘Bell 2’, I want you to jump into bed. When I say ‘Bell 3’, we’re going to make love all night.”
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, “Bell 1!” and his wife took off her clothes. “Bell 2,” and his wife jumped into bed. “Bell 3,” and they began to make love.
After two minutes his wife yelled, “Bell 4!”
“What the hell is Bell 4?” the husband asks.
“Roll out more hose,” she replied, “you’re nowhere near the fire!”
Judging OthersAn elephant asked a camel,
“Why are your breasts on your back?”
“Well,” says the camel,
“I think that’s a strange question from somebody whose wiener is on his face.”
SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE OF THE DAYTwo very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Wally didn’t show up. Max didn’t think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some such. But after Wally hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Max really got worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn’t remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Wally!
Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said, “For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???”
Wally replied, “I’ve been in jail.”
Jail?!,” cried Max!! “What in the world for?!!”
“Well,” Wally said, “You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?
“Yeah” said Max, “I remember her. What about her?”
“Well one day last month she got mad at me, and to get even, she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old codger like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled ‘Guilty’.
“The judge then took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury.”
Do you like math? We could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!
20 ADULT REASONS CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX1. You can always get chocolate.
2. “If you love me, you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate will not mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during work hours without upsetting your mates.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it doesn’t keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn’t matter, it’s always good.
YOU KNOW YOUR GRANDPARENTS ARE “DOING IT” WHEN:10. A pair of edible Depends is found on bedroom floor.
9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of “denture-burn”.
7. Granny is found cuffed to her walker.
6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa’s crotch and claps twice.
4. Your “Grandma” is Anna Nicole Smith.
3. You’ve just seen the photos in the “Beaver Hunt” section of the May issue of Hustler.
2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
1. Their Craftmatic adjustable bed is set for “doggy style”.