Posts tagged Golf

One Day on the Links

~An old one 🙂

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became

confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady

playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked

her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole,

and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing

happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, “I’m

on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.”

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady

sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The

bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your

help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What

do you sell?”

She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for

Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”

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Distractions

Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first

tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a.m. Just as the first

was half way up his backswing, a good looking young lady ran across

the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes

as she went until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into

the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, “What was that

about?!!!”

“Take no notice. Just get on with the game,” replied the other.

Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then

noticed four men in white coats running across the course on a

similar track to the young lady. “What……???!!!”

“Look. Just get on with the game,” said the second. “We don’t

have all day, and you know the course closes at 9 p.m.”

For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be

distracted by another man in a white coat running across the

fairway, lugging two buckets of sand. “Now, hold on a minute,”

said the first golfer, “I’m not playing until you tell me what’s

going on.”

“OK.” said the second. “Just over the wall there is an asylum.

The young lady is a patient who escapes and runs around naked from

time to time. The guys in white coats are chasing her.”

“I’ll buy that,” said the first, “but what’s with the guy and the

two buckets of sand?”

“He’s the guy who caught her the last time. That’s his handicap.”

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Funny Jokes

Golf joke

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

2. “I wish I could play my normal game…just once.”

3. “Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.”

4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

6. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul it again.”

7. A “gimmie” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers… neither of whom can putt very well.

8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

9. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

10. I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme” Putt, you might wish to reconsider this game.

12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you’ve reached after you’ve really reached it.

13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work and both are Expensive.

15. The best wood in most golfers’ bags is the pencil.

16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers … they shoot a “six,” yell “fore” and write “five.”

18. Swing easy. Hit hard.

19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf… it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.

20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks!

Funny Quotes
Funny Simon Cowell Quotes

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Golf Joke

Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than
18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

Grantland Rice

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