Mother’s Day Jokes
MOTHER’S DAY happens Nine months after Father’s Day.
My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate
The child had his mother’s eyes, his mother’s nose, and his mother’s mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
– Robert Benchley
Mother’s Day Jokes
Mothers mold the children’s minds. Some of you have done well. There are a lot of moldy-minded kids around.
Funny Jokes – Choking on a Quarter
A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied, … “Divorce attorney”
My wife and I are watching “Who wants To Be A
Millionaire” while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No.” She answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
“Yes.” She replied.
Then I said, “I’d like to phone a FRIEND…”
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick
stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he
rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not
the standard three. Without givin! g much t hought to the matter. Patrick
blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The genie clapped his
hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the
finest brew. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re
going to have to pee in the boat.”