I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I’d go to confession, I’d say “Bless me, father, for I have sinned — and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen.” – Bill Maher
Archive for March, 2008
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. – W.C. Fields
Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.
Daily Affirmations for Pessimists
Don’t try beating ’em or joining ’em. Either hang out by yourself or quit.
Seek, and you shall be disappointed.
Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, welcome to the club.
Did you ever sit back and evaluate your life and think, “Wow, things are going just as I always wanted them to?” I didn’t think so. Me either.
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – George Burns
I like airplanes
I like airplanes because:
Airplanes usually kill you quickly, women take their time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and go.”
Airplanes don’t object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals that explain their operation and behavior.
Airplanes have strict limits on weight and balance.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.
Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’re already flying, much less looking at.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive (and take off) at the same time.
Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.
Airplanes expect to be tied down.
Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills except in real extreme cases, and then you’re happy they do (GROUND WARNING! PULL UP! PULL UP!)
However….when airplanes go quiet…..just like women, it’s usually not a good sign.
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.