Golf Jokes
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said:” What are your golf clubs doing here”?
He looked her right in the eye …. and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
He couldn’t ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
– Johnny Carson (about Chevy Chase)
He was as great as a man can be without morality.
– Alexis de Tocqueville
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams
The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
– Joseph Stilwell
Why, this fellow don’t know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday.
– Harry S Truman (about Dwight D. Eisenhower)
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
– Groucho Marx
Ronald McDonald
How can you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach? He’s the one with the sesame seed buns!
Stay with me; I want to be alone.
– Joey Adams
Drinking
When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you’re drunk than to think you’re stupid.
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