New Years Eve Day
It was the early morning hours of New Year’s Eve, and the phone
at our small post office rang constantly with people asking the postal
clerk if there would be mail delivery that day. To put a stop to the
interruptions, the clerk had the local radio station announce that there
would be mail delivery.
She had a few moments’ peace after that, until the phone interrupted.
“I just heard on the radio that there will be mail delivery today,” the
voice on the other end said. “Is that true?”
Off The Corner!
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an
experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them
to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd
standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said,
“Let’s get off the corner.”
No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner!”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled
glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the
young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did
“Pretty good,” replied the veteran, “especially since this is a
Man and Woman
Why did God create Man before Woman?
He didn’t want any advice.
During a revival meeting an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed.
One man’s request was for his hearing.
The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man’s ear, prayed for him and asked him, “How’s your hearing?”
The man replied, “I don’t know. It’s not until next Tuesday.”
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said:” What are your golf clubs doing here”?
He looked her right in the eye …. and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
He couldn’t ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
– Johnny Carson (about Chevy Chase)