Archive for Comedians

Talk Like a Pirate Day

In honor of “Talk Like a Pirate Day” September 19 we bring you the following Pirate Joke which is on display over at Famous People Blog in this Pirate Jokes post.

Jokes – Pirate Jokes by Famous People

Q:  Why don’t pirates get carpal tunnel syndrome?

A:  Because they practice   …  Arrrgghonomics.

Bill Austin


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Funny Jokes – Always Late

Tom was in his early 50s, retired and started a second career.

However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was five, 10, 15 minutes late.

But, he was a good worker and real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Tom into his office for a talk.

“Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You do a bang- up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.

It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, ‘Good morning, General.'”

Funny Jokes

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How Ood are you?

Nurse: “How old are you, Mrs. Simmons?”

Patient: “None of your business.”

Nurse: “But the doctor must know your age for his records.”

Patient: “Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?”

Nurse: “Yes. Fifty.”

Patient: “All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?”

Nurse: “Zero.”

Patient: “Right. And that’s exactly the chance of me telling you my age.”

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Jokes – Funny Jokes – Sand

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while.”

“I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.”

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither.”

The foreman is really angry now

He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!!”

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Funny Sayings

Funny Sayings

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
– Peter Ustinov

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
– Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

I’m a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I’m working.
– Peter Sellers

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
– Will Rogers

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