Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! 6:00 pm – OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE! 6:30 pm – OH BOY! DAD! MY FAVORITE! 9:15 pm – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 pm – OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MASTER’S BED! MY FAVORITE!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary
Day 183 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the furniture and the drapes.
Yesterday I feigned sleeping on third stair from the top while the lights were out. This caused a catapult of my captor down the stairs to avoid stepping on me, but unfortunately there were no injuries. Will do this every night until I get results.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.
Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless, bloody body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of. This should strike fear into their hearts. Instead they only cooed and condescended about what a good little mouser I was. Hmmm, next time I’ll bring them a baby bird.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the suspended metal room his safety is assured, but I can wait. It is only a matter of time.