Thank you for calling Pizza Hut…

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national
ID number?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to place an order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-
45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number’s 266-2566. Which
number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-
Meat Special pizzas.”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very
high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Damn. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll
like it.”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your
local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,
then.”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids, sir. Your total is $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s
overdrawn.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash
ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up
while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a
motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the hell do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so
your car got repo’d. But your Harley’s paid up.

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already
got a July 2004 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter Coke”.

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents
us from offering free soda to diabetics.”

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